There is a funny story that’s been around for quite some years about “The Italian Man Who Went To Malta”. The story is rather amusing and plays on a misunderstanding between the English accent adopted by the Italian and how it’s actually understood by his Maltese hosts.

The tale has been told on several websites, and is also popular on t-shirts and tea towels sold in the tourist resorts of Malta such as Bugibba, Qawra, St. Julian’s, Sliema and Mellieha. If you go into any souvenir shop in these bustling seaside towns, you can usually find the story of the Italian man who went to Malta.

The Italian man who went to Malta lyrics are along the lines of this:

One a day I’m going to Malta to big a hotel. In the morning I go down to eata breakfast.
I tell a waitress: “I wanna two piece of toast.”
She bring me only one piece.
I tell her: “I wanna two piece.”
She says: “Go to the toilet.”
I say: “You no understand? I wanna two piece in my plate.”
She says: “You better no p*** in a plate, you son of a b****!”
I don’t even know the lady and she call me sonova b****!

The second part of the story confuses the word fork with a similar-sounding swear-word, and is much along the same lines as the first paragraph of the fable.

The third and final part goes like this:

So, I go back to my room in d hotel and there is no sheets on the bed. So I call the manager.
I tell him: “I wanna sheet.”
He tell me: “Go to the toilet.”
I say: “You don’t understand? I wanna sheet on a bed.”
He says: “You better not s*** on my bed you son of a b****”
I go to the check out and the man at the desk said: “Peace on you!”
I said: “P*** on you too, you sonova b****!!!!!”
I’m gonna back to Italia, Arrivederci